So, hubby and I have been attempting to go to church on a more regular basis. We used to go every sunday and then when we got married little things kept coming up, like Lincoln had to work and then when we had Milo, it got even harder to go because it takes SOO much preparation to go ANYWHERE with a newborn baby.
Well, the past two Sundays have not worked out so well. We get to church, we last through worship, Milo starts getting distracting so we move to the family room. The family room is the place in CTK (Christ The King) Bellingham where all the noisy and distracting babies are allowed to be, so we think "oh good, he might even have friends to play with." NOPE. Instead we walk into this room, the room meant for all of the crazy distracting babies of CTK and find little ones sitting on the floor by their parents feet, being perfectly quiet and still. Milo walks in (holding mommy and daddy's hands of course) and immediately run after the other quiet and calm babies, trying to play. He crawls from front to back to front to back, stopping by one particular girl to try to push her over, takes off her sock and refuses to share the books I brought to distract him.
After about five minutes in to the actual service, of which I heard tiny phrases like something about the service times changing and the differences between young girls and young boys falling in love, we leave defeated.
On our way out, we stop by to check out the nursery thinking maybe it's a little more play friendly there. The nursery is more of a place for parents to drop off their children so that they can pay attention during church, which makes sense for sure, but I'm barely comfortable with my in-laws watching my son, I don't know how I'm supposed to trust complete strangers! The woman I talk to about the nursery informs me they have a family room if I would like to stay with him, but the nursery is pretty strictly a drop off place of which I would actually need a guest pass to be with my child in. I then explain our incident with the other children and she nods. "They're probably just more calm because they're used to it." USED to it?! I want to scream. Are you serious? As if we never take Milo anywhere? I'm a stay at home mom, so he's not really used to being around other babies considering we don't know very many people where we live that actually have kids, but it's not like he's never been to church, or like he's never seen other people! In fact, if I'm out of the house, he is too. We go on walks almost daily to the park.
Needless to say, I feel like a horrible parent. How else am I supposed to feel thinking about the way all the other parents stare at me in service as my son joyfully yells at the top of his lungs at the sight of another child. Milo has always been a pretty strong willed, hyper, in-love-with-everyone, sort of child. When new people meet him they like to say, "He has a lot of personality." I love that about my child. I am glad that he doesn't just sit and look around, but actually engages in life and with other people. But, when I get looks like the ones I got today, the ones that tell me they're thinking about how out of control my one year old is and begging that I leave with him before it rubs off on their child, what am I supposed to think about my parenting skills? And honestly, I don't really care if people think I'm a bad parent, though it does sting a little. More of what I am concerned with is, how am I ever going to attend another church service again? Anyone else have this problem with their children and have some advice for me?
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO TO CHURCH!
My husband is a worship pastor so I have to be there... it's miserable sometimes with kids! My son is much of what you're describing! He is strong willed, loud, full of personality, and bouncy! No matter how much you discipline in a loving way some kids are just that way and there is NOTHING you can do but try your best and embrace who they are in the good, bad, and embarassing. Because I have to leave my kids in the nursery because I do lights in our service I just got to know the nursery workers really well. I used to have to get my kids half way through ALOT; for one, I breastfeed so I am their pacifier, another I insturct the nursery workers to call me IF they don't stop crying cause I don't want my kids in there screaming!!! I listen from the foyer alot. My son is now 3 and it is a little better (he goes to class), but he thinks he owns the church since my husband works there. I feel good about leaving my daughter cause it is the same nursery worked who had my son. She's been there for 3 and a half years and I'm actually a good friend now.
ReplyDeleteI STILL have to go make sure my son uses the bathroom... he's kinda shy about telling other adults. There is no true break from parenting and kids will be kids.
Just go, and try every week and they do get a little more used to the surrounding and it's not quite as exciting if you go all the time, but the parents who are giving you funny looks are just lying to themselves! Their kids aren't perfect.
Good luck : ) I guess that wasn't really advice, but I know how you feel! It gets a tiny bit easier though : ) I'm patiently waiting for the 3's to be over!
Thanks so much for your comment! That DOES make me feel better. :) I guess next week we might try the nursery. He just turned 1, so hopefully he will get better and hopefully I will feel alright about leaving him in there. Doubt he will ever just sit at my feet reading books though.. lol.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad my child's not the only "bouncy" one :) I see all these other babies with their parents, and I'm like HOW DID YOU DO THAT? I mean even when he was a newborn, he was high maintenance. I remember having to hold him 24/7 or else he wouldn't sleep, walking him around for an hour until he did fall asleep when he got older. In fact, he's still fighting crying it out at nap times, something we've been doing since 6 months! I'm praying to God that my next one is easy because if I have two of them Idk what I'll do :)
I work in the nursery at my church and I'm happy to hold loud crying babies if it let's their parents stay in the service. But I completely understand that it can be hard dropping your child off with strangers. Maybe they would let you come in for a bit to make sure he is okay before leaving him?
ReplyDeleteAAAaaaaawwww...This is a lovely blog you have here! I'm a new follower!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know...I feel you on the nursery thing. My kids are barely left with family too, let alone strangers! So I know how you feel there. =)
I say just keep trying. Try, try again. Practice makes perfect, right? Then again, some kids are just that way, even from the beginning when first-born. Really. Keep us posted, though. I'm hoping your next try will be a little better.
~Kim
LOVE having new readers :)
ReplyDeleteJenny- They did say I could come in for a bit.. just still makes me nervous. It's kind of strange because I really thought if I had kids that they would be in day care because I had been going to school to be an accountant when I got pregnant and I really wanted to still be able to get my degree and have a career, but as soon as I had Milo, I couldn't give him up to anyone. I still get nervous when I leave him with my husband!
Kim- Thanks for understanding. I don't always understand why I have anxiety about letting him be watched by someone else. I guess I'm just scared of someone having a different "parenting" style and how that might affect him. Practice DOES make perfect though. Unfortunately, we came down with colds this last weekend and have been home sick since, but I will update you and everyone next weekend for sure :)